i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
