I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Terrible idea I love it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
