There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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