Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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