It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
