WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
