I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
