i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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