If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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