Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
