I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
