Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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