just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
