your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
