I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
