Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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