Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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