covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
