Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
birth control should be required to get into college
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
