they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
