Im at strip club and am horny
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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