I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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