it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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