if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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