you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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