Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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