Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
