FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
