fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
