Is it normal to miss your booty call?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
A+ Viking dick
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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