So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
