just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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