The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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