Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
