Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
