Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
