I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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