Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
