Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
