it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
