i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
