i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
