My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
