I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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