i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
