Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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