just survived the first fart of the relationship.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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