i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
