And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
