its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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