we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
